I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
