I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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