If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
