OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Randomize
