Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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