Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
my nose is crying tears of wow.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
