first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
