I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
