Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
