So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
you win again, gameday.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
