If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
love makes seman taste better
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
