if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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