I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Randomize
