I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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