im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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