I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Randomize
