Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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