Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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