the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
