He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Randomize
