He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
