yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Randomize
