Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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