i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
