sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
