we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
