I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
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