Define "chronic" masturbator.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Randomize
