This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
