he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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