I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
