YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize
