Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
We need to get me chipped asap
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
