Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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