airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
