How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
