You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
