My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
