We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
