my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
