Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
