you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
