I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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