The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i would one night stand the shit outta him
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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