i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
There are leaves in my underwear?
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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