Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
