I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
