Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
