Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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