Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
