hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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