Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
