we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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